How to set better boundaries: 9 tips for people pleasers

nicholas green nPz8akkUmDI unsplash
nicholas green nPz8akkUmDI unsplash

Human beings have a tendency of constantly trying to adjust themselves to become more socially acceptable. Almost all of us have, at some point or the other, experienced some kind of people-pleasing tendencies. While, to an extent, it can make us apparently a better person, it can prove to be unhealthy. You may end up getting stuck in a toxic circle, or vibing with people you don’t want to. The worst part is that you are no longer yourself and have forgotten to say ‘NO’. 

For a reader who can relate to this, here are 9 tips that can help them set much healthier life boundaries:  

  1. Analyse your relationships with people: This lockdown has taught many, including myself, how they feel about people when there’s no longer a constant touch. We have found ourselves interacting with only a few people constantly and occasionally checking upon others. Even ended up being indifferent towards or disliking some people. This identification is extremely important while creating boundaries. 
  1. Learn the art of saying ‘No’: In this world, many people have this capability to intimidate other people and the people-pleasers can’t refuse them. Making them do things against their will. The malleable people fall prey to the manipulative ones When your own will doesn’t comply with what the other person is asking you to do, don’t do it unless that’s the only morally correct thing to do.  
  1. Spend some time reading: This is something, I personally have found really useful. Two years back, I, myself acted like a people pleaser often. When I started to educate myself, I stopped looking and placing people at higher ground than mine. We generally try to please the people who we place at a higher ground than ourselves. Your intellect will also make your opinions stronger. 
  1. The positive people around you are important: While you should never throw away the opinions of your critic, having a friend who is genuinely appreciative of you and supports you through thick and thin is important. In their presence, you wouldn’t feel the need for validation as much as before. Whoever this reminds you of, hold on to them tightly.  
  1. Avoid toxicity of people: Once you can sense a friendship turning toxic, take a break from it. Before going back to it, make all kinds of considerations. And never go back to a toxic friend circle. Identify the toxic circles and be out of it. Toxicity will just make more submissive towards people who aren’t even half the human being you are. 
  1. Do not feel intimidated to voice your opinion: How many times have we failed to say things which we wanted to say it out loud? And ended up resenting our silence? A lot of times we feel our opinions are unworthy or would be made fun of if it’s thrown in front of others. Sometimes, we even let unjust things happen because we can’t bring ourselves to speak up. Once we change this habit, we grow more confident and upright about ourselves. 
  1. Respect other people’s boundaries as well: When you are creating boundaries and a healthy atmosphere around you, not respecting other people’s boundaries is plain hypocrisy and unhealthy for that person. Just like you have to learn to say no, don’t try convert other people’s refusal into a yes. This is one of the most important point of this article and this will also develop you as a human being. 
  1. Consider hiring a life-coach: You may need professional help if things get overwhelming and it is high time we normalize life coaching and therapies. A professional can definitely guide you and feel more confident about yourself. Human beings are often comfortable with sharing their problems in entirety with new people or rather people they can maintain their anonymity with. MeVero Life Navigator service is something you can consider since they have a large selection of what they call life navigators.  
  1. Think of the rewards of changing your ways: You know you would be much happier being a more upright version of yourself. So if you feel like giving in, think of how much better it would be when you shed your accommodating self. And how it’s the correct thing to do as well.  

To end the article, I would like to confirm, that I hail empathy and kindness as the biggest virtues of a human being. But that doesn’t mean giving in to others, even when you know it’s not the right thing to do. And sharing your personal space with everyone is not the most sensible thing either. When you find yourself doing things out of compulsion to please others, you should definitely consider changing your outlook for good.  

Stay at Home and Keep Safe.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here